Let's just eliminate all the bullshit, shall we?







Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Oasis

Holding fast to the vision
of things yet-to-come is
maddeningly arduous
when the inconsequential
bullshit of the immediate
threatens to strangle your
dream lifeless.

The nonsense looming large
due only to consistency,
pervasiveness, and stridency...
luring us deceptively into 
the crab boil of despair
where our fellows happily
assist in our demise.

To see the distance, to seek 
possibility, to connect with 
the unfamiliar and the elusive,
to wish for something better....
these goals are lofty yet laudable.
They are the truth, yet unseen;
all else is a lie.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

The Illusion of Security


We are trained well.
We either self-destruct, seek our fellows' demise,
or sit silently while we watch it all go down.
"Children are meant to be seen, not heard."
This is what 'good' citizens are expected to do, as well.

In case we are completely broken at home,
there is always the chastising, shaming embrace of religion.
It even had the singular benefit of creating people who 
maintain their own discipline and control. 
(So less taxing that way!)

Government, schools, jobs help polish off the task.
Marriage, for the majority, also steals your soul of independence 
and freedom. Give up. Compromise. Accept defeat.
(You can never learn those lessons well enough.)

Monday, September 13, 2010

The Job Thang

"So what do you 'do' for a living?"
"I'm a professional plucking job hunter. Whatcha got needs doin'?"

To say that things are bad here in 10%PLUS unemployed Georgia is an understatement.

The Department of Labor (which, as a government engine of efficiency and reliability, is , of course, a joke) has now started telling people who call, simply, "No jobs."

When they recently posted a listing of about 35 jobs in the area, I excitedly hopped online at the library to search what I was qualified for, only to find that every position had already been filled.

The little green piece of paper that you had to fill out in days of old? Detailing when and where you went and who you talked to to prove that you had been searching for work? They have discarded it. You just call or register online. No worries; they already know it's a waste of time and there is nothing available.

Of course, I had prior experience with the Department of Labor, from when I wasted time trying to get my overtime pay and holiday pay from a previous employer. Since I had the burden of proof, and I wasn't a major company, I received the S.O.L. discount.

More recently, with Movie Gallery, the dispute was taken to a hearing to prove I was unlawfully fired from the company. In the hearing, the employer rep was caught in a lie during the hearing, and after she further lied under oath, I presented my audio taped evidence. In her own voice she admitted that I was fired, and the proof was given to GA DOL. (The problem was that MG was lying and saying I walked off the job with no notice, and was thus ineligible to receive benefits.) They still ruled against me. Legalities pending.

Needless to say, I am in a BAD way as I sit a week away from SEVEN MONTHS without a paycheck.

I have looked into every possible job out there. I have killed a dozen trees with the number of my paper applications I have distributed. I'm on monster.com, careerbuilder.com, jobs.com, indeed.com, and some I've forgotten about, I'm sure. I'm signed with temp agencies, I've been on interviews, I've lowered myself to the notion of working with 16 year-olds flipping burgers at base pay. Can't get a BITE! (Course, part of the problem too is that I'm a leftist political activist and personality in a small rural South West Georgia town. If you think there aren't people who will refuse me available jobs based on 'who I am,' you need to get out more. These are the same folks who hollered the death threats as i campaigned for our President last year.)

I have cashed out all the stocks and insurance policies that I held. I sold my old beater for scrap (Hell, I sold seats out of my current car for scrap metal.) I had a yard sale and sold anything that was nonessential. I have sold my stove, couches, my spare tires, my comics collection, artwork, jewelry, and everything that isn't battened down. I am looking into the plasma selling bit for next week, although I seem to recall a distant memory involving passing out upon witnessing the procedure on another.

I had already turned off (well, couldn't pay for! Same diff!) computer service, pest control service, phone service, sat elite TV, and every possible 'extra.'

I have done job testing in order to receive re-numeration, returned to school (for the purpose of doing so, but the financial aid overflow helped me,) and applied for everything I know to do. The public assistance for students had all their funds dry up, and will not even have any for the last half of 2009. Without children, I do not qualify for electricity assistance, but I hear all their funds are dried up even before they made it to people on the waiting list.

I have offered to prostrate and prostitute myself for ANY job imaginable, and people say they have nothing. Not a one hour job, a one day job, a one week job. Local businesses have started hanging large signs in the windows that announce "NOT Taking Applications."

My neighbors complain about having to decide which between chicken, fish, beef or pork for dinner because they are so tired of the 'same old thing.' This, with a freezer full of food and half of what they cook being tossed in the garbage. I'd like to line them against a wall and group bitch slap them. Or beat them to death with a refrigerator.

Here's another note; If you KNOW that someone is in a bad way financially, and you have no interest or intention of helping them, kindly don't groan endlessly about the limitations of your Ultimate Cable Experience satellite TV package. Don't complain about making a trip to a neighboring town being so far when you're going to pick up a luxury item and have gas to burn. Don't rave on and on about a dinner out where you splurged with cash for 8 people, even though you 'don't know how you're going top make it.' Needless to say, I don't visit the neighbors anymore.

See, I was frugal and a recycler of all sorts from way back. I've lived in a car and on the streets, so doing without isn't a big deal either. The main problem for a lot of people is laziness and unwillingness to be thrifty. Or even simply adapt. There's a lot of paring down that can occur long before it comes time to lose the house. But folks' identity is rolled up in what they posses or what they can afford to do. Happiness is related directly to how well they can keep up with the Jones-es. I can dig it. I can. But flexibility is part of life, too.

And you're only as miserable as you're willing to be.

Happiness is a choice, not chance. And regardless of the situational specifics, I'm going to be happy. If others are willing to meet the challenge, I think they'll be able to do the same. Not to be heartless, but many of us were in line for a repositioning of priorities. Me, I'm working hard at staying sober, and remembering that bullshit like robbery and murder is a long term solution to a short term problem.

Friday, September 10, 2010

Distractions

The closer you get
to your destination,
you'll get more
grief from those
who don't wish you
to arrive.

R.I.P.

R.I.P.
Robert Sayre:
Doormat
Victim
Codependent
Schmuck
03/1969-08/2010

No more attachments
No more possessions
No more relations
No more emotions
No more weakness

Thank you, kind sir,
for aiding my demise.

Reborn from the ashes
09/10/2010

"To strike out is murder, but to 
strike in is suicide; I refuse to die."

Vengeance feeds
a warm heart.

Friday, September 3, 2010

Lessons

I am finding many valuable lessons in life
as I release my grasp on what I know and what
I imagine I know. Being open is so much more
helpful than being rigid and driven.

The cleansing fires of change have purged me
from my attachments, and given me a spiritual
'leg up' that many are not fortunate to have.
The old ways and means, old people, old beliefs,
all have fallen to the side. Only a vessel receptive to
discovering its intrinsic self remains.

When too many semblances of our old life remain,
it is easier to avoid the despair. The shift of identity
is detoured because so many falsehoods remain
in people's lives. But more and 
more folks are joining on this journey; being 
stripped of all prior markings of humanity. When 
what was believed true is gone, we either fade or fight.

We love our illusions and delusions.

Once you know there can be no trusting another,
you will learn to trust self,,,the most valuable
ally you have. Once you know you can survive without 
nice things, sufficient food, assistance, proper health, or
externals of any kind, you can then find your true
self and strength. 

Once you know there is no faith to be had in religion,
professionals, government, family, or the world, you 
pass through childish expectations and embrace reality.
Difficult as it is, it's a necessary catharsis.

Once jobs and reputation and possessions and
money and credit and friends and options seem
to have all vanished; you must find what is at the base
of YOU. You have to dig deeper than you ever had
need to before.

Discover.
Reinvent.
Reassess.
Rise anew.
Abilities never thought possessed or possible emerge,
and with them, our own limitless strength and passion.

A scar is a blessed thing; only the living worry
about scars. It's a reminder of what you passed through,
and survived.