Let's just eliminate all the bullshit, shall we?

Friday, May 17, 2013

Redundancies and Revisitations: "Church Hags"

Ol' Marfa

By way of introduction to my retreading old shit--
by which I mean walking a mud hole on some old shits--
let's first revisit Friendship United Methodist Church in
sunny Donalsonville, Georgia...once more the origin point
for some First Class, Grade A, Evil Hags from Hell.

(Did you happen to notice the painters on the cherry-pickers
a few weeks back? Yup--putting a new paint job on all the
white paint on the joint. That's right--gotta make sure it
stays niceeeee and white....don't want that fading!)

L'il Beth
So, there is a "Seminole Woman's Club" here in town.
No, not a "women's" club...a "woman's" club. And
since there's nothing else to do around here, my poor
old mother asked as to how to join the club, since all the
members of her book club are also engaged in this "woman's"
club (since the membership of every group in town is essentially
made up of the same dozen or so old biddies.)

First, one hag calls over another hag to 'answer her question
more thoroughly.' That leads to her being given some bullshit
answer about how the group doesn't always meet at the library,
so that might be confusing. (Well, bitch, no one asked where
they met--so obviously you're the confused one.)

Then another witch gets called over, buck passed.
This one says the meeting room capacity is only 36,
and that's how many members they currently have.

Well, uh...WRONG for starters; the library meeting room
has a capacity of like 200 people. Of course, the same bitches
that are in this club are also on the library board, so....
(You know they have to have their nose in every damned
bit of business!)

Ohhh! Classy! Elitism--a white woman problem.

So then yet another 'member' gets pulled over to hem and haw
some more to both my mother and another non-native outsider
who has also expressed interest in the group and its meetings.

This last one explains that the group is exclusively comprised
of church members of the Friendship United Methodist Church
and therefore someone who isn't a member couldn't possibly join!

To which Moms inquired in astonishment, alongside the
other newbie, "How is anyone supposed to get to know
anyone if you have to already be involved to be allowed to join?!?"
Well, obviously, that was 'Tough Titty, Miss Kitty' blow-off time for
these fumbling retards who poo-pooed the whole thing and trailed
off to their next meeting of some grand importance.

(Whew! Crisis averted; non-believers and lesser-knowns
avoided at all costs!)

What exactly is it about this delusional bunch of old bitches that
makes them think their shit doesn't stink? What are the particulars
of their very obvious problems?

Cuz here's a newsflash for 'em if'n they hadn't figured it out;
Y'all from little old hole-in-the-wall, Georgia, Population: Dropping
Fast Like Flies. A dollar extra in your bank account and your nose
up in the air do NOT qualify you as anything more than insane elitist
snobs. It doesn't give you the basis for elitism...no matter how much
exclusivity you surround yourselves with.


Most of these old bats are so close to being in the ground, or going
back into their sarcophagi with their dusty decrepit bandages, I guess
they won't be changing their ways. And the bottom line is this: if
THAT'S what the group is comprised of, then certainly no one else
wants in to begin with! Thanks for the heads up!

So, the only question is--since these old hags have phased themselves
out, who will be willing to start up an inclusive REAL Women's Club
of the Seminole County area....one that isn't a bunch of stuck up old
dinosaurs looking to fake relevance by exerting their small town 'power'
over their intellectual and character-filled superiors?

Step up.

(Oh, and is the county-funded library actually allowed
to house groups whose membership is not open to the
public, or that practice exclusivity based on certain
prerequisites? I guess that means the KKK can hold their
meetings there, too! Never mind--I guess they already do.)


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