Let's just eliminate all the bullshit, shall we?

Friday, February 22, 2013

Armageddon Outtahere

There's a lot of crazy action and risk-taking when it comes
to a perceived end of all civilization. Everybody's picking
their fave poison during their 'last days on earth, since they
heard it on good authority (facebook page) that it's all
winding down.

Hey, this 'incorrectly predicting the end-of-the-world based on
nonsensical or even made-up pseudo-evidence is old hat. It's
always notes from a psychic or a guy who got some stuff right
(if you stretch credulity to its limits) or the idea that the end of
a method for counting time's passage equates to no more time
passing. (On a similar note; I finished off the final sheet of toilet
paper on the roll in my bathroom this morning, so I guess there's
no more t.p. ever, either!)

Whether you're a general nutter or a religious fanatic,
an Armageddon-outta here send-off party has the vast potential
to go terribly wrong. (As if such a thing should need pointing out!)

Doomsday lovers, conspiracy theorists, nihilists, and
the religious literalists are all vested in the end of the
world being sooner rather than later. Don't let the fact
that folks have been predicting it and planning and hoping
for it for centuries bug ya!

Having a party for these folks may end in them slicing you
open or putting a bullet in you, hoping to spur things on.
Those folks usually get queasy when it comes to taking care
of themselves, though.

It's not the expected end of the world you have to worry about; it's The Day After...when you discover you were cheated!
Here are some hints to that effect.

Some will wake up hung over....

Some will wake up with a strange burning sensation...

Some will wake up in jail, having figured that if the worldwas going to end anyway, there were some folks they
wanted to send on their way early. Maybe they just wanted
the pleasure of being responsible for it.....

Some are in the hospital getting their stomachs pumped--either of the food poisoning, drug overdose, or Rod Stewart/
Elton John variety.....

Some won't wake up at all, taking the suicidal route to avoid an unknown or painful demise.....

And some will wake up in 9 months with a bambino in their arms, the result of a rough and tumble What-Not Hook-up.

So the warning signs and cautionary tales aren't so much from
the Column 'A' of "Here's what to expect in the after world" so much
as trusty Column 'B's "Aw, ya done stepped in it now, son!" variety.


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