Let's just eliminate all the bullshit, shall we?

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Ex-Gay Ministries part 3

My personal belief is that we are who we are.

Sexuality may be brought about by a myriad of
different factors and input. It simply is, for me.
Yes, I questioned whether childhood events or
parental style or emotions released during the
birthing process were 'responsible' for my sexuality.

I determined there are a lot of reasons why someone
may be homosexual, and my experience and thoughts don't
determine someone else's.

I feel most if not all people are born to be whatever
sexuality they are. Again, there are all points of
in-between, but since we are predisposed to think in
terms of black-and-white and pigeon-hole ourselves
(which may in fact be the biggest problem this society
faces on the matter,) I will stick to speaking of someone
being self-identified as 'gay' or 'not-gay.'

So most are born feeling one way or another. Others
may turn to a different nature as a result of circumstance,
difficulty, curiosity, love of a specific person, or whatever
other possibilities that exist. I choose to see it that people
just are.

It may even change in time. I like the idea of a world where
people don't feel the need to fear for their lives or careers
or standing when determining whether to pursue another
person romantically. Is there really such a thing as too much
love in the world?

Most people determine how they act not on any inherent sense
of immorality or right/wrong, but on how other people will
react to it. We try and cram uniformity and adherence into our
fragile human bodies and minds at an early age.

I was at an pre-Easter event a few weeks ago and sat at a table
that had several young people and their families. True story.
One rather obviously feminine little boy, around 5 or 6 years old,
had selected a gift from the large table of possible items. His
choice was a bright pink bunny. There was palpable tension at the
table as he returned. He danced and had such a good time with his
bunny, oblivious to the maelstrom I could see coming.

The sputtering and frightened adults all chimed in with coercion
as to what would have made a better gift, and how he should
go trade off, etc. etc. They were visibly shaken, looking around
to see who might have been watching. The boy, crestfallen, went
back up to the gift table, and after careful consideration plucked
up a lavender lamb and pranced back to the table delighted.

The shock and horror were still present. I leaned forward and said
I thought he's made a great choice, and that I loved purple; it was
the color of royalty and magic. The entire family jumped up and
moved to another table.

So afraid of embracing identity, we cause endless damage and trauma
trying to alter who we are. Wouldn't it take less energy and effort
to just accept reality? Heck, even if it took the same amount of effort,
wouldn't it be worth it? Isn't being true to oneself the healthiest,
happiest chance we have?

I think so. I think truth and reality and living the life you have
are what being close to God is all about. I think sexuality is an
intensely personal matter that religion, government, and schools
have no business having an opinion on. I think our society demands
a level of conformity and compliance that has far exceeded the whole
"goods of the individual versus the needs of the whole" argument.
But that's me.

If someone has more fear of what others think than they do a
desire to live how they would want to if no one was looking, that
isn't my place to judge. Some people need to belong, even if it's
based on a lie. Different people have different needs. I can't judge
someone's needs, motives, or courage. Sex, life, God, purpose...
it's all a very complicated and individual matter. I want for people
to be happy, and I can admit my own humility enough to say it
isn't for me to decide what's right or wrong for someone else.

I don't think a belief in God is dependent on an aversion to
homosexuality...and vice-versa. I believe there's more than one
path to God, and there are hundreds of different religions and
versions of God out there. I don't believe spirituality and God
and religion are all necessarily part of the same equation.


I fear that most Christianity teaches people to self-hate and
deny the good of self along with the bad, and that most things
are not intrinsically good or bad. They're just aspects of humanity.
Being human is what we are; being better people isn't based on
our attractions. It's based on how we live our lives; being kind
to others, making the world a better place, etc.

I question why all the emphasis on trying to undo people
from being the way they are.

....to be continued.......

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