Let's just eliminate all the bullshit, shall we?







Wednesday, January 13, 2010

HOOKER RESURGENCE

A MODEST PROPOSAL:
"A HAND JOB FOR A HAMBURGER...

(TOO BAD THEY CAN'T BOTH BE 'WHOPPERS.')"

Firmly ensconced in the realities of economic hardships, I have developed a survival plan for we on the bottom rung. The plan is foolproof in nature, with nothing but benefits for all involved.

This document lays out (tee hee!) the order of the day as needed.
Point:

One thing always in demand is sex. To be blunt, most men and a few women are not even discriminatory enough to demand it be 'good' sex, or be experienced enough to know the difference. As the saying goes, "It's all good in the dark."

(For men in particular, any tight, wet, warm spot will do.)

If you follow the crazy religious people, hard times (tee hee) increase the demand for sexual outlets as people attempt to find comfort through addictive behaviors. As stress increases, the desire to find 'crutches' (we used to just call it being horny) increases.

Every one's needs are different anyway, so look at it like this; if you aren't any good, you'll get on-the-job training and direction. (Also, this might be a good time to explain the importance of money exchanging hands up front!)

Don't be tense; every 'legit' job entails a large quantity of horrifically demanding tasks that you aren't getting compensated for;
* Being bent over a desk
* Being dicked over
* Being pissed on and shat upon daily
* Being screwed with no dinner, no date, no lube
* Eating out the bosses ass
* Feeling empty and used after it's all over
So what's your hang-up? It's all good! You might as well make a little more for it!

Benefits:


* You get plenty of exercise and stretching as part of your new job.

* You get to spend much of the day laying in bed.

* Scheduling conflicts are eliminated by combining sex and income-earning.

* A lack of business wardrobe is not a concern.

* There need be no fear that you will get screwed at your job each day.

* Intelligent conversation is not required.

* Your performance at your last job is irrelevant.

* Your Comparative Lit degree is no longer a source of embarrassment at job interviews.

* No taxes!

* No annoying paperwork.

* Your boss' performance review is irrelevant in 20 minutes.

* Standards are not that high.

* If they aren't into safe sex, they aren't into you.

* No long waits for time off or vacation.

* Your date doesn't find out where you live.

Plus the social positives provided by responsible, intelligent sex service workers are innumerable.

- Help keep a marriage together by giving a husband a safe bitch-free zone for an hour.

- Keep those unwanted pregnancies to a minimum.

- Release that energy in a good way; keep those murder rates down.

- Better out than in!

- Overcome those nasty religious hangups about sex.

- Keep the economy thriving! Provide a real stimulus package!



Happy Trails; it's a living. There's gotta be some way to make one.


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