Let's just eliminate all the bullshit, shall we?







Monday, November 23, 2009

SARAH PALIN INTERVIEW

(Johnston may be doing his own Big Reveal soon enough.)


In preparation for her holiday, Day of Turkey, the infamous Sarah Palin graciously signed up for a hardly exclusive interview with Georgia Unity. Unbeknownst to her, GU doesn't play, and she was slipped Sodium Pentathal to even the playing field and get some straight dope out of this straight dope. That's right, bitches; truth serum! Maneuver that one, lunkhead.
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GU: "So, I hear you took up writing?"
Palin: "It's a lot less hard than running a state into the ground. Besides, when you're talking a shit storm of nonsense like my buddies at Fox News, you save on dumb stuff like fact checkers and editors and things."


GU: "Great. So, what was your motivation to publish?"
Palin: "Are you kidding? Instant money, baby! I gotta ride the train hard before it leaves the station for good. All my bridges were burnt, anyway, so why not profit from it?"


GU: "Do you think Levi Johnston--your would-be son-in-law's-- announcement of his Playgirl photo shoot was timed to derail all the publicity you've been getting from your tell-all crook..I mean book?"
Palin: "Let me tell you something about Levi; he just settled for my daughter cuz the big fish was off the table. That little nobody thinks just cuz he has secrets he's blackmailing me with that he's hot shit! I got news for him; nobody cares about Johnston's Johnson other than us Palin women. See-I went for the obvious gag there. Although I wouldn't say 'gag' is the most accurate word choice."


GU: "I see. Well, there seems to be a lot of animosity in the relationships here. Why do you think he's so mad?"
Palin: "He's just miffed cuz we wanted that damned thing aborted and so he leaked the pregnancy to the press before it could be finalized. I came out on the raw end of that deal! My esteemed political career is over a good year-and-a-half before it would have been otherwise. And now my everyone knows I can't play with the big boys since I publicly got my 'Trailer Park' on. It's not fair. Bush gets to be a druggie doofus and have tramps for kids, but I get called on the carpet? It's a double-standard, baby!"


GU: "We might actually agree on that. Next, we got a quote from former Foe Of Liberty ring-leader Dick Cheney, who's still the biggest dick we know.
He said, quote, "Sarah Palin is a two-bit whore who goes where she's told and does what she's told. But she made the mistake all women make; she spoke."
What's your response to that?"
Palin: "That crusty zombie dog-fucker can kiss my ass; this whore's getting paid the big bucks now! Not all of us could make a living off war-profiteering, you Nazi child rapist!"



GU: "We also heard from Levi, who said "It doesn't matter if 'Momma' can't make it to the Playgirl shoot; it ain't nothin' she ain't seen before. But I know she does hate to miss a good spread." What's your response to that?"
Palin: (sobs uncontrollably) "Levi... (sniff!)...I would have given you the world! If only you could have smiled for the cameras, dammit!"



GU: "So, what's next on Sarah Palin's agenda to help the world by utilizing your considerable beauty contestant and talking head skills?"
Palin: "I think I'm a start me one of them Queer conversion centers, and fuck gay people up real bad so they're miserable. And if they refuse to convert, I'll shoot 'em and hang 'em on the wall like the endangered species they are in our new Amerika. Heil Jesus! Heil Jesus! Heil Jesus!"

GU: "I ...think we're good! Georgia Unity OUT! Begone, bitch, before I drop a house on you too!"
Palin: "I feel funny. Something's wrong; I feel like I've been clear and articulate. What'd you do to me!?!?!"

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"I'm a-huntin' you next, faggots!"
(Palin considers her next career choice.)

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Georgia Unity suggests that if you need it pointed out to you that this is a spoof, then you are in need of much more than a clue or a sense of humor. Legal notes that although the name 'Jesus' was invoked in the above interview, no actual likeness to any Jesus living or dead should be inferred by said invocation. Happy 'regular old Thursday in November' to all.

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